A couple of weeks ago, I was reading Patti Callahan’s Becoming Mrs. Lewis, a fictional novel based on the real-life events surrounding the relationship between C.S. Lewis and Joy Davidman. During one of their conversations, Joy expressed dismay at her tendency to be tempted by certain sins. She was struggling and I can imagine that she might have been angry, too—angry that she was bound to a nature that she could not be rid of or change.
I’ve been there. I’ve subconsciously—perhaps even wilfully at times—questioned God for making me a certain way, with weaknesses and tendencies that I am uncomfortable with and ashamed of. Why couldn’t He have made me to be naturally kind and pure and unselfish? This is spiritual immaturity and a lack of wisdom.
I love C.S. Lewis’ response: “God doesn’t judge by internal disease, but by moral choices.” In other words, we may not be able to control what tempts us, angers us, saddens us, or hurts us, but we do have agency to react to each situation in a moral and godly manner. Shame shouldn’t lie in one’s natural inclination toward particular sins but in choosing to yield to those temptations when God has clearly given us the free will to choose otherwise.
It’s like the hyperparathyroidism I battled for many years: I did nothing to create the disease in my body and I could do nothing to get rid of it. However, I had the choice to either change my diet and habits to minimize the symptoms or ignore my doctor’s guidelines and suffer. (Thankfully, surgery eventually solved my problem but even that was beyond my own capabilities.)
Looking back on my life, my sense is that many of us expend a lot of energy fighting with or denying our sinful nature when all we really need to do is daily choose God’s will over our own, God’s plan for us over our own.